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In an article today posted to Google+ Relationship Tips group, the article opened with:
Relationship advice for women never tell him everything about you
Do you reveal everything about your life to your partner, are you an open book? I would suggest that you don’t do that, you maybe asking why well here is why, when you have a young relationship that have not yet started to bloom it is impossible to know how the other person will react when you reveal some personal things about your self and you wouldn’t want to tell him your burdens then he runs away, take it one step at a time.
To which I responded:
With respect to the author, this approach is the first step to creating a relationship that requires work and ends in a 50% divorce rate.
This approach represents the typical dating advice of ‘attract and react’, setting the conditions to hopefully build a connection.
A first date, or any date, should never be about building connection. Instead, a first date should be used to discover if a deep connection already exists.
When you find that natural, grounded connection, you’ll have found a partner with whom you already have in common the deepest parts of you. You’ll feel as if you have already known each other. When you share inside that connection, it only increases the discovery of how deep the connection goes.
When I met my first mirror connection, anything and everything was on the table. We even discussed sexual preferences! On a first date! And we were naturally two very shy and reserved people. Finding that deep connection is a life-altering experience!
The first thing any dater should do is to toss the traditional dating advice. It leads to relational compromise, work, and unhappiness.
Let’s change that!
Was the article good advice? It certainly is the run-off-the-mill typical dating advice: Don’t reveal too much, play it safe, or you’ll scare them away. And when you think of typical traditional dating, it makes sense. Traditional dating aims to build a connection between the daters. But we also know for a fact the typical build-it dating path leads to unhappy relationships and tons of divorces–just as certain as the inexorable realities of death and taxes. (For some, death and taxes are preferable to the relationship they create!)
What if we change the playing field– change all the rules [link] –such that a date isn’t about building a connection, but discovering if a connection already exists? What would happen if a first date’s only purpose were to determine if the two daters shared a deep, natural connection?
What we should looking for on a first date is natural affinity and deep, grounded, peaceful connection. When you find that connection, it will seem like you’ve always known each other, so it becomes easy and natural to share.
That’s precisely what happened with my first mirror connection. A bit of deep sharing began to reveal our deep connection. That connection created an opening to share more. The sharing created trust. Trust created the ability to share even more. The entire evening was one big reinforcing cycle of share-trust-share. Not only did we have the opportunity to discover the unbelievable depth of our connection, but also its astounding breadth.
When we were finished with the date some 5 or 6 hours later, I knew and deeply understood more about her than I did my former wife of 22 years.
And it all started with a bit of honest, open sharing.
Openness and vulnerability are the keys to discovering if a connection exists. Remember, the only way to see if there is a soul and heart connection is to let someone see your soul and heart.
Most days I wish I had an incantation that would wipe all of these dating and relationship urban myths from the minds of daters. I need Hermione Granger to twist her wand–‘obliviate’ the typical dating and relationship lore from your head!
Clear of all those terrible preconceptions, we could get down to the serious business of finding you an amazing, uber-incredible relationship that would fill your life more than you have ever dared to dream.
After divorcing from a 22 year traditional relationship of compromise, friction, and work, Troy discovered the Mirror Effect on a first date. The discovery had such a profound impact that it completely changed his views on dating and relationships.
Using the Mirror Effect, when Troy found Judy, their connection was so strong that they fell in love on their first date and were engaged in two months. Together now for five years, they share a deep love relationship of ease and harmony without the work.
Together with Team MM, Troy and Judy work to put people on a path to deep love that doesn’t lead to a 50% divorce rate. Their book, The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps To Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating) rebuilds dating and relationships from the ground up to provide a dating and relationship progression that results in the deep, harmonious, frictionless relationships that people are looking for today. Their online dating and relationship website, MagicalMatches.com, is designed to fully integrate the Mirror Effect and the 6 Steps.
Troy can be reached for questions or comments at firstname.lastname@example.org.