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What do you think happens when Brad Pitt tells Angelina Jolie that he’s going away on a 3-month location shoot? Do you imagine that Jolie comes out with guns blazing like a scene from the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
Jolie (shooting through the wall at Pitt):
Still alive, baby?
Pitt (returning fire):
We have an unusual problem here, dear. You obviously want me dead and I’m less and less concerned about your well-being.
I suspect blazing guns is not the way this Hollywood couple responds when work calls. A “vigorous” response might be the norm for most couples, but not them. Why? Because in this respect, they deeply understand each other. They are both performers. They both have acting in their blood. When Pitt tells Jolie that he going for a shoot in outer Burundi, I suspect that Jolie is sympathetic. She knows what it is like to be away from home and family for extended periods as she pursues her passion. Rather than becoming a source of friction, she likely feels empathy.
The friction beneath
What would it be like if you were married to an actor?
Him: Honey, I’m going away to film for three months.
You: I understand. I know this is important to you.
Unlike Jolie, you don’t understand what it’s like to be an actor away on-location. In this case “I know it’s important to you” roughly translates into I know you need your acting outlet…and I’m putting-up with it because I love you.
In your head you know that he needs to be an actor, but beneath the veneer you don’t genuinely understand why. You don’t “get it” in the fiber of your being. To keep from having to ask why he must go, you declare “I know this is important” as a relationship coping mechanism–it keeps you from hoofing him in the nuts, head-butting him silly, then tossing him ninja-style through the window onto the front lawn.
Harmony not hand-grenades
The difference between putting-up and truly understanding is enormous. When you are not aligned with your partner in the deepest places of the spirit, you must adjust and compensate for those misalignments. Compensating and adjusting leads to discontentment and friction. Eventually, putting-up with your partner will place your relationship in the crosshairs. Conversely, true understanding removes friction from the relational equation and lends harmony.
What I am saying…
My point is that deep alignment at the heart, soul, and mind makes all the difference in a relationship. The smallest little difference in the spirit causes disconnection at the least, and compensation and arguments at the worst.
As you search for your beloved, remember that you are selecting your future circumstances, your future happiness. The differences you discount or ignore during dating will almost certainly bloom into a lack of harmony in the relationship.
Make sure that your relationship target extends far beneath the veneer of superficial matching. Picking someone extremely like you–-a mirror-– is more likely to lead to truly understanding each other in the deepest and most meaningful ways, so that when you say “I know it’s important to you”, you’ll know why in your heart and mean it with nothing but love.
Selecting a partners is one of the most important decisions in life. Let’s learn how to do it differently–better–than has ever been done before! Learning this skill is the only way we will ever substantially increase the happiness in our relationships and marriages.
The Relationship Equations:
Differences = Difficulties
Mirrors = Serenity
Happier Marriages = Lower Divorce Rates
What do we do at Magical Matches with the Mirror Effect and the 6 Steps?
We expose the failures in the traditional dating and relationship approach, and work to help people understand and find a different type of relationship–one without the compromise, friction, and work. The Mirror Effect and the Mirror Relationship are just two of many things that sets us apart from other online dating sites.
After divorcing from a 22 year traditional relationship of compromise, friction, and work, Troy discovered the Mirror Effect on a first date. The discovery had such a profound impact that it completely changed his views on dating and relationships.
Using the Mirror Effect, when Troy found Judy, their connection was so strong that they fell in love on their first date and were engaged in two months. Together now for five years, they share a deep love relationship of ease and harmony without the work.
Together with Team MM, Troy and Judy work to put people on a path to deep love that doesn’t lead to a 50% divorce rate. Their book, The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps To Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating) rebuilds dating and relationships from the ground up to provide a dating and relationship progression that results in the deep, harmonious, frictionless relationships that people are looking for today. Their online dating and relationship website, Magical Matches, is designed to fully integrate the Mirror Effect and the 6 Steps.
Troy’s email box is always open! He enthusiastically encourages you to reach out with your questions or comments. email@example.com.