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Here we go again. Another one of those inane articles (this time from Healthaim.com) created from meatsauce powder that was originally packaged 50 years ago, pulled out of mothballs on Sunday, mixed with 21st century technological water, and molded into a dating meatloaf that smells as old as it is.
Here’s where the article has gone completely wrong:
1) Online dating algorithms know you better than your family or friends
Online dating algorithms do not know you better than your friends or family (says the founder of an online dating and relationship site!). You are a human: A heart, soul, mind, feelings, and dreams! No machine can truly understand you, let alone more than other humans. You are more than just a machine matched by algorithms.
And, while I’m raging against the machine: As long as you let the machine do the work for you, you’ll end up with artificial, mathematical dates.
Remember, it’s not just dating. How can dating work when relationships fail 50% of the time? Dating and relationships are not two separate items. They are one single, inseparable, continuous progression. In order for you to succeed, you need a plan that covers the entire progression, not just the (online) dating part. To make Online Dating really work for you, you need to take control and learn to use it like a hammer or wrench. Online Dating is tool that you use as one part of a complete plan to find the relationship you’re looking for.
2) Men like red, women are attracted to blue.
Colors won’t matter at all if you’re finding the deep, profound mirror connection that you should have been filtering for in Step 1: Mirror Profile and Step 2: Filter. A first date should not be a game to attract, but a venue to discover if you already share a deep connection with your date! What your date is wearing won’t make a damn bit of difference once you find deep connection.
3) You have a specific amount of time to make that first impression. Don’t mess it up.
Holy cow! They’re killlllinnnng me! Oh, yes. Please, do whatever is required within the impression time in order to make that first good impression (TroyTalk’s slipping into over-snarky-drive >:).
Crazy. Old. Passe. Stupid!
How about this instead? Come prepared to be open and vulnerable. If you want to find a deep connection, then you need to let your date see deep inside you. That’s how we find out if two people are really meant for each other.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along. – Rumi
If a 13th century poet mysticist can get it, surely we can do a little better! Go Rumi!
Let’s spend the date discovering if the daters are already deeply connected.
4) What’s important for a first date: Personality wins.
More stupidity! How about walking into the restaurant as strangers, finding out that you share the same heart and soul, time standing still as you discover deep connection, the restaurant closing around you, and leaving as a deeply bonded couple?
Who’s up for that?
5) Make sure you flatter your date.
OMG! Is this dating for pre-teens? See #3.
6) Flirting is effective in positively affecting the outcome of the date.
See #3 and #5.
7) Wear the right perfume.
See #3 and #5.
8) Make sure you pay attention to the body language. Leaning in means your date is interested.
Well, yeah. That’s basic human nature. Let’s talk more than just the basics, eh? The first time I experienced the mirror connection, we found that we were holding one hand together across the table as the connection was revealing itself. It wasn’t long before we were holding both of our hands across the table. Then she leaned over the table to give me a tender kiss. That’s body language that comes from something more than just flirting and flattering. It’s not exercised like dating checkbox that you are required to tick. It’s genuine, meaningful, deep, heart-based, human connection.
9) The venue is important.
Finally, a useful bit of advice! The venue is important. If you’re going to attempt to discover the connection that already exists and you’re going to be open and vulnerable to allow that to happen, then you need a venue for a deeper exchange. How about a nice quiet restaurant?
10) Most breakups occurs online, not in person.
Breaking-up online. Hmmm… Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t think that’s the right way to go. There are one or two customs from the 50s that I feel still have value: count face-to-face breakups among them.
The vast majority of points in their list are relics of the 50s way of thinking about relationships. In the 50s, a woman captured the doctor or lawyer because it was a marriage of security, not love. These tips are part of the “attract and react” process left over from those days: Do what it takes to attract, react in the right way so as to create tension/attraction/superficial bonding/an opening for a second date/???.
There is absolutely no need to play the “capture game” when you’re looking for the right person in the right way.
Put the meatloaf down and back away…
The very first thing you should do when considering your dating plan is to jettison the typical dating advice. That dating meatloaf has been leading to unhappiness and divorce for 50 years, and it will continue to do so as long as people continue to eat it.
Instead, I suggest using the Mirror Effect and the 6 Steps. It certainly simplified the 10 Fact list, didn’t it? You’ll be surprised to learn that it can do much more. With the Mirror Effect, you’ll find that many of the dating and relationship truths you take for granted are really nothing more than myths blocking the path to an amazing experience!
More About Finding Deep Love
Find other articles on finding deep love see TroyTalks | For Singles and for more about
The Mirror Effect; finding your Mirror; and the simple, tangible 6 Steps start with the How Do I Find A Soul Mate video.
After divorcing from a 22 year traditional relationship of compromise, friction, and work, Troy discovered the Mirror Effect on a first date. The discovery had such a profound impact that it completely changed his views on dating and relationships.
Using the Mirror Effect, when Troy found Judy, their connection was so strong that they fell in love on their first date and were engaged in two months. Together now for five years, they share a deep love relationship of ease and harmony without the work.
Together with Team MM, Troy and Judy work to put people on a path to deep love that doesn’t lead to a 50% divorce rate. Their book, The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps To Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating) rebuilds dating and relationships from the ground up to provide a dating and relationship progression that results in the deep, harmonious, frictionless relationships that people are looking for today. Their online dating and relationship website, MagicalMatches.com, is designed to fully integrate the Mirror Effect and the 6 Steps.
Troy can be reached for questions or comments at email@example.com.